Online Dating: A Necessary Evil

I hate online dating...as do most of my friends. I swear I could write a book about it. We all have stories to share. The guy who had a nasty divorce and doesn't want to take your relationship to the next level by living with you. The guy who cross dresses and is looking for love free of judgement or who is into BDSM and wants you to be his submissive partner. The guy who's in an open relationship and thinks you'll be okay with sharing him with his wife or girlfriend. The guy who only wants sex. There seem to be a lot of those out there. They expect you to come over when you've never met. Whatever! Or the guy who lives at home and thinks you'll be attracted to that. Um... independence is sexy NOT living with Mommy and Daddy. Oh yes... there's also the guy who sees you like seven times and thinks of you as a friend but doesn't tell you until you get it out of him. Sorry that you had a traumatic experience with your ex, but I think you need therapy more than being on a dating site. And of course, there's the guy who says he wants a relationship but then says he prefers FWBs. Then when you pull away and tell him you're looking for a relationship, he writes back months later and asks where you went and that he misses you and wants a relationship. There's also the smooth talker who wants you to send photos of yourself but won't meet you or give you his cell number because he can "only use it for work." Can someone say "married"?! Alas, online dating is the way people are meeting more and more these days. It does work for some people. I met my ex-boyfriend online, and we were together for 14 mths. One of my brother's best friends met his fiancee online and they're getting married this fall. Also an old high school friend of mine met his wife online, and they've been married for a number of years. It seems to be harder to meet people in person as you get older. There isn't always someone at work. You always go out with the same group of friends and none of them have single guy or girl friends. Things seemed to be easier when you were in school. What gets me is when I see 18 or 20-year-olds online? Seriously, there's no one at school or in any of your clubs or activities? Something that disturbs me is how Tinder has affected dating and the hook up culture. My friend sent me an article from Vanity Fair entitled "Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apolocalypse" (http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating?mbid=nl_080615_Daily&CNDID=20618312&spMailingID=7965463&spUserID=NTMwMjA5NzEzNjgS1&spJobID=740808588&spReportId=NzQwODA4NTg4S0) that talks about the the doomed state of dating. It says that many people are online merely to find same night hook ups as opposed to long term relationships, and that is scary and unsettling. Some guys interviewed in the article said they had slept with 30 or 40 girls in one year. Yikes! On the flip side, many people online are married and looking for a bit of action because they're bored or dissatisfied in their marriages. Think of the Ashley Madison fiasco and how users are worried about their identities being revealed and their adultery being made known. Seriously, who joins a dating site for cheaters anyway? Isn't the fact that you're cheating on your spouse risky enough? One of my friends met her ex online and was in a tumultuous relationship for a few years. The guy turned out to suffer from bipolar and was emotionally abusive and cheated on her. And she met this guy on a Christian website. You just never know who you'll meet. There are also Craigslist hook ups or Adult Friend Finder where you can find...ahem adult fun. I have a friend who was on Adult Friend Finder for many years before she met her boyfriend and felt that it was a period of life she needed to go through. I also have an acquaintaince who went through a period of crazy hook ups on Craigslist. Of course there are many people like me who are looking for love and long term commitment and feel that online dating is our last resort. Sigh.... It's so frustrating. Plus how many people do we disregard based on their photo? Some people just don't photograph well or might be amazing in person, but we've written them off because of how they look in the few photos they've chosen to post online. I know I've done it and so have many others before and after me. I guess the important thing is to keep looking for that special someone and to be safe. Meet somewhere in public the first few times until you get to know someone better. Don't compromise your values and beliefs. Walk away if you get the vibe that someone is only looking for sex or wants sex right away. Practice safe sex and use a condom. Get regular STI testing. Inform yourself and protect yourself. According to Ottawa Public Health, the percentage of STIs has risen quite a bit since 2010 (http://www.ottawasun.com/2015/06/17/get-tested-stis-on-the-rise-in-nations-capital). In particular, syphilis has risen by 43.8 per cent. Be smart and be hopeful. Love is out there. Sometimes love just takes what seems like forever to find.

Vacations Are Indeed a Necessity!

Hi Everyone! After an extremely stressful move and various changes and adjustments at work, I'm on vacation! FINALLY! I have 10 glorious days off and am spending six of them in Montreal visiting family and friends. So far it's going great, and I feel totally relaxed. Thank God given the amount of stress I've been under for the past few months. Any doctor will tell you that it's important to have time off to recharge your batteries whether you go away or have a staycation. My last big vacation was in Spring 2014 when I went to Poland with my Mom for almost two weeks. That was a trip of a lifetime. This year's vacation, however, is about much needed R & R and spending time with family and friends, some of whom I really don't see that often. Next year one of my best friends and I are planning (and hoping) to go to Las Vegas for three nights to celebrate our 35th birthdays! It'll be my fourth time, and I CAN'T wait! What happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas, baby! Going on vacation can also help you put things in perspective. I'm being reminded of what and who are important and being inspired to pursue certain goals once I'm back home in Ottawa. I want to make this year one of exciting change for myself. I'm trying to be hopeful and positive as well as pro-active. Whether you get a few days or few weeks of vacation, remember that it's important to listen to and take care of your body and mind. Take time to recharge and rest and spend time with those you love. Take lots of photos and make lots of memories. Take a nap. Chill. Go swimming. Have a barbecue. It's summer, baby! Dahlia

Face Coverings are Anti-Woman!

As a feminist, I feel my blood boil that women continue to be oppressed and held back by patriarchy, sexism, and cultural bullshit. The hot debate at the moment is whether wearing a face covering or niqab should be allowed in a citizenship ceremony. I say it should NOT be allowed and agree with Prime Minister Harper that it is "anti-woman" and "rooted in a culture that is anti-woman" and "a symbol of oppression"(https://ca.news.yahoo.com/harper-calls-muslim-face-covering-veil-anti-woman-211847845.html). Whereas I don't agree with Harper on everything, I'm glad that we have a prime minister who calls a spade a spade. We live in Canada and our values say that women are equal to men and have the right to show their faces. To people who don't like it, I suggest you go back to a land that has your values. Canada is about freedom, rights, and equality not oppression. Zunera Ishaq is a Pakistani woman who wants to wear her niqab at her citizenship ceremony. Do we live in the Middle East or Canada? While she says that she chooses to wear the face veil, she admits that other women and girls are forced to wear it by their families (http://news.nationalpost.com/2015/02/17/barbara-kay-zunera-ishaq-does-a-disservice-to-women-forced-to-wear-the-veil/). Can I say contradiction? Why would you willingly choose to partake in a symbol of female oppression? Perhaps because your husband or father put you up to it? Have you no respect for yourself as a woman? If as a woman you want to promote a cause, at least have a cause worthy of promoting. Women have so much potential for great things. Sadly, many parts of the world still hold a woman back. Here in Canada though, you have choices. You are valuable and not the property of anyone. You are allowed to use your own mind. You are allowed to show your face. You are a human after all.

Family Will Always Stay True

Friends may be the family you choose, but family will always stay true. Sure, you may have arguments and even hate each other at times, but most people have at least one family member who is always there for them. It can be a parent, a sibling, an uncle, an aunt, a cousin, or a grandparent. Blood runs thicker than water as they say. I'm fortunate to have four very special people who have my back: My Mom, Dad, brother Dan, and Uncle Johnny. I know my other family members love me, but these people love me in a very special way. A very deep way. It makes me want to cry. I'm currently going through some very difficult times, and it is their love, encouragement, and prayers that are helping me through. I truly don't deserve their love, but I have it. It means so much. I also have some very good friends and sadly, I continue to discover over the years who my true ones are. A friend loves at all times, says the Bible. You really discover how true this is when you go through tough times. Many thanks to my wonderful friends, especially my best friends Sigrid and Christina. I love you both so very much. Mom, Dad, Dan, and Uncle Johnny, thank you, thank you, thank you. Words cannot begin to express just how much I love you and appreciate all you do. I may not always say or show it enough, but I do. Thank God for you all!

Keep the Faith Stays True to Bon Jovi Essence

Hi Everyone: As I'm sitting here in my room listening to "Livin' on a Prayer," I thought that now would be the perfect time to tell you about an amazing Bon Jovi tribute band that I saw recently with a friend. I've been a die-hard Bon Jovi fan for 20 years and have seen them six times on five different tours in Ottawa, Toronto, and Montreal. You never forget your first time! WOW! Keep the Faith (KTF) hails from Toronto and is fronted by the good looking and dynamic Chris Newman, a.k.a. Jon Bon Jovi. With his hair cut, attire, Superman tattoo, stage mannerisms, energy, and voice, Chris is quite Jon Bon Jovi-esque. Chris and I spoke quite a bit before the show at D'Arcy McGee's Irish Pub in Kanata (Ottawa) on Sat., Nov. 1st, and I found out that he's been a BJ fan since "Born to Be My Baby" came out and has seen BJ 35 times! He's been in the pit during the last 10 shows, so that JBJ himself recognizes him! Ah, it was nice to talk to another hardcore fan who appreciates the incredible power and beauty of Bon Jovi music. I was also pleased to receive a copy of the setlist! Chris and the boys started off the night with "Lay Your Hands on Me," a great song from BJ's fourth album, New Jersey, which came out in 1988. They then launched into fan favourite "You Give Love a Bad Name" and "Roulette," a song that true BJ fans would appreciate from the first Bon Jovi album in 1984. KTF played for three and a half hours (complete with three encores!) and did a great mix of songs from Bon Jovi's 13 studio albums. They even threw in some extras, which included "Pretty Woman," "Start Me Up," and "Twist and Shout." My personal favourite was Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." Such an awesome song. My highlight of the night was "Always," which Chris performed beautifully during the second encore. That song made me fall in love with BJ when I was 13 and in Grade 7 and will forever be my favourite song. Of course, I also really appreciated classics like "Livin' on a Prayer" (second encore) and "Bed of Roses" to name a few. KTF has played D'Arcy McGee's six times in three years. It was, however, my first time seeing them. Together for eight years, KTF truly strives to give its audiences an authentic Bon Jovi experience. They stay true to the essence of Bon Jovi with their music and energy. Chris even has his maracas taped exactly how JBJ does and uses a similar acoustic guitar to him! I also tip my hat to guitarist JT Harris who was only playing his second show as the one and only Richie Sambora and Steph Snitman (a.k.a. Tico Torres) who not only plays drums well but has a pretty good voice too. Doug Adams (a.k.a. Hugh McDonald) is 62 and plays his bass enthusiastically. And how John Jablonski (a.k.a. David Bryan) maintains that crazy mullet while playing keyboard is beyond me! All I can say is that Keep the Faith provided a high energy show that essentially left me on a high and helped me remember why I love Bon Jovi so much! Thanks, Chris and Keep the Faith (http://keepthefaithtributeband.com/)! Have a Nice Day!!! Dahlia

Long Overdue!

Hi Everyone! Thanks to the ongoing encouragement (and "nagging"!) of a couple of writer friends (you know who you are!), I am writing my first blog post in three years!!!!! It was definitely a long time coming and long overdue! I confess that I haven't been writing nearly as much I was years ago. My passion hasn't died; it just hasn't been nourished in a very long time. In a sense, it has been neglected like someone crying out for love with no one hearing its cries. I saw one of my writer friends today actually and over a lovely cup of tea, I told her that there's a Bible verse that says something along the lines of how without vision the people perish. I'm not a religious person, but there's a lot of wisdom in that verse. Writing has been my passion since I was 11, and I've kind of let it die over the years because of life experiences and what not. You know the expression "Shit happens"? Well, life happens too! I wonder if perhaps I'd be a bit happier if I was writing more. I am a writer after all, and it's what I was meant to do. Some things you just know. While I have been freelancing articles for a community resource centre newsletter for a year now, I have not been cultivating my poetic side nor have I attempted to start writing a crime fiction novel. I'm addicted to the genre (and Criminal Minds)! Maybe it's time to check out the Capital Crime Writers or at least freelance more and perhaps write a poem every now and then. Then again, baby steps. 'One day at a time' as my Uncle Johnny always says. I'll slowly start by blogging again. Have a great day! Dahlia

Saudi Women Get Right to Vote but Not to Drive

Hi Everyone:

Saudi women now have the right to vote as well as be appointed to Shura Council but still remain unable to drive or travel abroad without male consent (http://ca.news.yahoo.com/saudi-king-women-given-vote-first-time-2015-130137846.html) .

While King Abdullah's ultraconservative country is slightly modernizing itself, it still remains backwards in allowing women to enjoy the rights that men have.

Where's the logic in being able to vote but not use a car? Would women endanger society if they drove?

Are women children that they must ask permission to travel? I'm surprised they can go to the bathroom without informing someone.

Patriarchy, religious fundamentalism, oppressive Shariah law, fear and ignorance are all factors that limit the rights and freedom of these poor women.

Ending stonings and lashes for adultery (the last time I checked it takes two to tango) and honour killings would be a huge victory.

However, equality will likely never come to pass in countries where women are viewed as having half the worth of men.

At least Saudi women can vote (they just have to wait until the 2015 nationwide local elections). Some progress is being made.

Dahlia